A Guide to Writing your Best Man Speech

As the best man, you have many, many responsibilities. Traditionally, the best man is required to do everything from bachelor party planning, to returning the groom's tux after the wedding. It's a massive job, but you probably agreed to accept it because you care deeply about the friend who asked you to do it. And it's because of this friendship that you want to do your best to give a speech that will be meaningful and memorable. Wait...did someone say speech? That's right. One of the responsibilities you took on when agreeing to be the best man is delivering a speech. This is, for most people, the hardest part of the job. It can be the most nerve-wracking and frightening, particularly for those who aren't comfortable with public speaking.

But let's take it one step at a time. First, it's important to know exactly what the best man's speech is.

Traditionally, the best man's speech is the last of three speeches in the traditional wedding format. The structure of the best man's speech usually follows a pattern that begins with thanking the groom for his toast or compliments on behalf of the people involved in the wedding. This is followed by a recounting of the first time the best man met the groom or the beginning of their friendship. After that, the best man discusses the groom's life and qualities, personality traits and other sundry information. This is usually the time for injection of good-natured ribbing, particularly in regard to the period of time when the groom first met the bride. After this, the best man toasts the parents, then reads letters or messages sent by those who could not attend. The speech culminates in a toast to the bride and groom.

This all seems simple enough, and there are many, many templates for a best man to use in developing a speech that follows the traditional pattern. The drawback to this, however, is that a speech that follows a template often sounds stilted, unemotional, and vaguely false. These are all horrible traits for a speech that is supposed to be a heartfelt expression of friendship and love, so it's probably best to write a speech on your own, from scratch. But where do you begin?

Well, common knowledge seems to indicate that the best man's speech is funny, at least to some degree. Funny speeches are easier to write than emotionally heavy speeches, and they're more fun to deliver as well. But adding a little humor is a far cry from attempting a rolling-in-the-aisles hilarious speech.

Let's start with some guidelines. Keeping the speech short - five to ten minutes - will keep your audience engaged and keep your energy level high. Before you begin, outline the basic elements of the speech:

1. Thank the bride and groom for their compliments, gifts, and toast on behalf of the team of bridesmaids, ushers, and other people who have helped with the wedding.
2. Recall the beginning of your friendship with the groom. Was it funny? Try to remember the most amusing elements of start of your friendship.
3. Discuss the groom's life and qualities. Remember, this is a good time for some hilarious anecdotes.
4. Toast to the parents of the bride or both bride and groom, particularly if the parents have paid for the wedding.
5. Traditionally messages are read from guests who were unable to attend.
6. Finally, a toast is made to the bride and groom.

Following this pattern should make writing the speech easy. Simply deal with each element, one at a time, always remembering that the speech shouldn't run longer than 10 minutes.

Here are some other suggestions that might prove invaluable in writing your speech:

Somewhere near the beginning of the speech, you should consider talking about the wedding preparations, particularly if there is something funny or interesting about it. Weddings are often very stressful and harrowing, so it shouldn't be hard to come up with something that will amuse the audience.

Don't forget the bride. Overlooking the bride - both literally and in the text of the speech - is a common problem. Remember her when writing about your friendship with the groom, and try not to only remember her in a snide or joking way (such as "keeping the groom under lock and key" or something of that nature). Say something nice about the bride and speak to her when you say it. It will come off as genuine and kind.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, watch out for any material that might be construed as tasteless or mean-spirited. Emotions are heightened at weddings, and they are already very stressful situations. If something in your speech has the potential to upset the bride, it probably will. Just leave it out.