What Not to Do in a Best Man Speech

Writing a best man speech is probably the most important job you will have been entrusted with at your friend's wedding. It certainly isn't something to be taken lightly. But too often, the best man won't seriously consider the implications of his responsibility, or his actions. There are many, many ways to go wrong when giving the best man speech, and the more that you are aware of, the more you should be able to avoid.

First, consider not only the purpose of the best man's speech, but the tradition that surrounds it as well. The best man is charged with a few simple tasks in his speech. First, it is his responsibility to thank the bride and groom on behalf of all the individuals working for the wedding party - bridesmaids, ushers, etc. The best man is also charged with talking about the groom's history and character, reading from letters from those who could not attend, and toasting the newlywed couple.

In addition to these simple requirements, there is the traditional tendency for the best man's speech to be both humorous, and something of a "roast" - slightly embarrassing the groom with passive aggressive jabs and off-color statements and stories. Usually, this comes off as light-hearted and is received well by all, but this is also the place where things most often go wrong in a best man's speech.

The first and most important thing not to do in a best man speech is to embarrass the groom or the bride. The wedding day is a very stressful day for everyone involved, and emotions are heightened. Even comments which would, in other instances, be received lightly and taken with a grain of salt can, in this venue, become fodder for a major disaster.

A golden rule to follow in this case is, if it might hurt the bride's feelings, don't say it - it probably will. Stray away from talking about the groom's past relationships, any indiscretions from the time before he knew the bride (or from the bachelor party, especially). Keep in mind that even if you know that the bride and groom have a good sense of humor about a particular joke, the parents and guests may not. And in many ways, a wedding is for the parents as much as for the couple, so try to make them as happy as you can as well. Ask yourself if the joke you want to tell is in good taste. It's as simple as that.

In any discussion of what not to do while giving a best man speech, alcohol has to be mentioned. Alcohol in various forms and strengths flows freely at weddings, and it's all too easy for a nervous best man to have a few too many with the simple intention of calming his nerves. There isn't anything wrong with having a drink to calm your nerves, but three or four can cause some serious problems. Trying to deliver your speech under the influence of alcohol will cause more that a few problems. Consider the fact that you might slur your words. This would surely be an embarrassment to the bride and groom, not to mention the parents and guests.

One other side effect of wedding-speech drunkenness is probably the second-worst thing you can do while giving a wedding speech. (The first in the following paragraph). Alcohol has been known to bring out aggression and hostility, particularly if those feelings are latent. Perhaps you don't like the bride, or her family, or some relative in the wedding party. As nightmarish as it seems while sober, alcohol can cause these feelings to bubble to the surface, and it extreme circumstances, you might find them bubbling up in front of the entire wedding. Maybe this can be controlled simply by saying, "don't drink too much." But this is such a uniquely horrific scenario that I feel it deserves special treatment. Do not, under any circumstances, deviate from the speech in order to tell them what you "really think." This has happened all too often in the history of weddings, and it's ruined friendships, relationships, and your (former) friend's special day.

Finally, the worst thing you can do while giving a wedding speech, might be brought on by alcohol, or latent emotions, or secret, subconscious feelings. But whatever you do - Do not declare your love for the bride while giving your speech. You think it's ridiculous? Well, it happens. But the problem with this is simply that if it's gotten to this point in the wedding day, it's already too late. If you really felt that you had something to get off your chest, the best time would have been before the wedding, or after the presiding authority asks if there is anyone who objects. The time is not while giving a toast, after the wedding has taken place. I think that everyone would agree that of all the things not to do while giving a speech, this is the one that takes the cake - yes, the wedding cake, of course.