A Bad Use of Humor in a Maid of Honor Speech

Too often in the wedding speech venue, in an effort to be funny and engage the crowd, the speaker makes one, or all, of the fatal mistakes. First, the speech becomes an act. All speeches are performative, but when that performance turns into a show or act, it detracts from the content and meaning of the speech, and focuses on the speaker instead. Second, in an effort to be funny, the speaker can often overstep the bounds of taste and good humor and say things that are inappropriate at best, or at worst, hurtful and embarrassing to the newlywed couple.

The speech that follows makes both of these mistakes, and while it was probably written with the best intentions, it comes off as being rude and over-the-top.

"Before I start I would like to say that Beth, you look absolutely stunning today. Dave, on the other hand, you just look stunned.

[wait for laughter]

For those of you know don't know me, my name is Dianne, and for those of you who do, I'll have my usual, thanks."

This introduction has two major problems. There is nothing wrong with starting a speech with a little humor, particularly if that's going to be the tone of the entire speech. But rather than start with a little bit of humor, this speech begins with two rapid-fire one liners. Even worse, these one-liners are older than dirt! In fact, the first joke - the play on "stunning" and "stunned" might be the most common introduction to wedding speeches. It's so common, in fact, that if you're going to use it, you should definitely check with the best man to make sure he won't be using it as well!

"When Beth first asked me to be her bridesmaid, I felt honored. It was the first time anyone had asked me to do anything like it, and so I was happy to. As I learned more about my responsibilities, I discovered that I would be doing a speech and a toast. I'm really shy, and so I tried to get out of it, but if any of you have ever tried to say no to Beth, well...here I am. So I thought of ways to give a speech, did a little research, and came up with some sayings that I would like to share with you now...."

This section of the speech is really very straightforward and doesn't overuse humor. A little gentle jab is taken at the bride, but nothing over-the-top.

"Some say that marriage begins when you sink into his arms, but it ends up with your arms in his sink.

Some say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, its love, after marriage it is self-defense.

Still others say that before marriage, a man will lay awake thinking about something you said, but after marriage he'll fall asleep before you have finished saying it."

These are more one-liners. They aren't particularly funny, and certainly aren't new, but at least they aren't offensive. The problem is that it is deep into the speech and yet nothing really meaningful or heartfelt has yet been said about the bride or the couple. In fact, the bride hasn't yet been addressed directly at all, which is one of the benefits of the maid of honor's speech. Too often, the best man's speech leaves out the bride entirely.

"I would like to offer my own advice for a happy and successful marriage. And just because I'm not married, never have been, and am smart enough never to want to be - well, that doesn't mean I'm not an expert on it, does it!"

This oversteps the line slightly. It is meant in good humor, but some of the audience or family might take it the wrong way. A golden rule when writing a wedding speech is that if it might offend someone, it probably will - so leave it out.

"Dave:

1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it. Whenever you're right, shut up.
2. The best way to remember an anniversary is to forget it just once.
3. Never be afraid that Fiona will leave you, she has spent years training you and she won't give that up lightly.

Beth

1. You're right. Always.
2. If he ever lays a hand on you, cut it off in the night. And I don't mean the hand."

This numbered list is pretty clichéd, but some elements are appropriate. The problem lies not in the fact that it is "shtick" but in the last set of advice, which could too easily be construed as rude or inappropriate. Mentioning physical abuse and violence in a speech like this is really as inappropriate and taboo as mentioning ex girlfriends.

"So, before I get into any more trouble, let me propose the toast. Would you all please raise your glasses....?

Here's to that moment of sweet repose
When it's cheek to cheek and nose to nose
For after that moment of sublime delight
It's fanny to fanny for the rest of the night!"

The toast really sums up the tone of the speech. Without ever being serious or addressing the bride or couple, the maid of honor made a speech that was mostly tasteless, and certainly not heartfelt. At best it would have been entertaining, though at worst it might have been offensive. It's a toast that certainly could have done with more anecdotes or genuine emotion.

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